SugarDaddy.com: Old Dogs, New Tricks
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Few things are less appetizing than a man four years my father's junior, a dumpy, pasty, greedy-eyed man in a gray suit who says he doesn't care to screw fat women because they're harder to overpower, asking me over a big bowl of warm apple crisp if I like anal sex. But since he's just offered me $3,000 a month plus perks—gifts, dinners, shopping sprees—to get naked with him once a week, I keep my tight young ass in its place, laugh politely, and pick up my fork.
I learned about SugarDaddy.com when an acquaintance I'll call "Kim" recommended it to my friend, who's had trouble finding a job despite (or because of) earning her master's in media arts several months ago. Kim collected $900 every time she went on a date with one of her sugar daddies; another gave her $3,500 in less than a week before announcing that he had to quit her because his wife had found out. Kim's best friend "Jill" had two sugar daddies giving her a combined $8,000 a month until one got jealous of the other. Jill has blond hair, amazing lips, and is 19.
All I had to do to gain access to the "meeting grounds of the rich and the beautiful" was enter a user name ("Nextdoor_Nicole"); some vitals like age (I lied and said 23, afraid 27 is overripe), marital status ("Do You Care?" is kind of an exciting choice), and body type (slim); and "Expectation: Select Financial Assistance You Desire," which ranges up to "more than $10,000 per month." I chose "negotiable," so as not to seem like a gold digger, I guess, and slapped up a picture my mom took of me last Christmas.
By the next day, I'd received 13 emails and 6 kisses, whatever that means, and been checked out by 36 older, wealthy men, two of whom added me to their "favorite list." Which brings me to my place across the table from Do You Like Anal, who puts proprietary hands on my shoulders and hips before we even get our cocktails and starts bartering for carnal treasure by the time dessert comes by asking me if I'd want to "hang out" once a week. I ask if "hang out" is a euphemism for "screw"; he says yes; I say that I wouldn't consider it for less than $5,000 a month. He counters with $3,000.
There is actually no stack of cash large enough to persuade me to have sex with this guy, but as his income is listed as "more than $1,000,000," I feel slighted. I ask why he uses this website if he's not prepared to dole it out, and he says regular dating sites don't cater to his preferences regarding age or "sensuality," and that the young girls on Craigslist are all unclassy whores. This statement is followed by an offer of $500 to "get into" my "cooch."
My double vodka doesn't do nearly enough to muffle his egotistical blather ("Enough about me," he says 20 minutes in. "Tell me about you. What do you think about me?") or the commentary he provides about his, um, girth. My roommate—charged with checking in on me—texts, "If he gets you the guacamole egg rolls you owe him a BJ. Also, ask him if I can have a pony."
When I arrive home to a houseful of twentysomethings, we rail against the lowball. The lone male in the group asks, "Would it have made a difference if he'd been attractive?" Nobody answers for a second. "Probably," I concede, and everyone reluctantly agrees; we are all sex-positive feminists here, offended not that he offered me money for sex, but that he offered so little and was so gross, and if the idea of doing him were palatable, and I were single, it's possible he'd be doing double duty as my boyfriend and payroll officer.
Clearly I'm not the only one intrigued by such a setup. Every time I log on to SugarDaddy.com (a.k.a. SugarDaddyForMe.com), around 2,000 other members are also online. SeekingArrangement.com, "The meeting place for mutually beneficial relationships," has 100,000 users. Sugardaddie.com, "Where the classy, attractive and affluent can meet," has 200,000. "These websites make it very efficient," says historian Ruth Rosen, the author of a book on prostitution. "Because it's very clear; you don't have to use coded language."
She adds, "It's many fewer hours than working at Wal-Mart, and if it's not completely disgusting, the women may see it as just something that doesn't particularly identify them in any way; in other words, their identity as a person may not be, 'I am a prostitute or a sex worker.' It's just, 'I do this in order to support myself.'"
Steve Pasternack, Sugardaddie.com's founder, offers a more romantic view. "It's just natural for guys to want to take care of women and women to want to be taken care of," he explains. "It's hard to find a nice guy that's successful and so isn't gonna split the bill at McDonald's."
So true. Thus, three days later, I am pretending to negotiate with Potential Daddy No. 2. He's looking for a friend, someone he can trust, someone who is younger and hotter than he—and his wife. He doesn't want a professional. He just wants to replace his last beloved sugar baby, who, he claims, slept with him four to eight times a week for $300 a pop, which would technically a professional make, but like my first date, he isn't here to quibble over semantics.
"Under California law, solicitation is to offer or accept anything of value for sexual services," says former San Jose police chief and Hoover Institute fellow Joseph McNamara. "But this is right on the line. If the relationship exists for some time and the guy is mega-rich, he can give you whatever he wants; it's not prostitution anymore. Let's face it—a lot of relationships are like that. It's a common thing."
My friend of the disheartening post-graduate-school job search initially scowls when I tell her what Daddy No. 2 offered me. When I point out that it took me two days to get two offers that pay more than my job at Mother Jones, that I could make $9,600 a month—$115,200 a year—and the average starting salary for someone with humanities masters' like ours is $39,808, she sighs, "I really don't know if I could stand banging some disgusting creep for money. But there are really some pretty compelling reasons to try."
It is the same sentiment that I've elicited from a lawyer, who says, "I paid 100 grand to go to law school, and I could make more money on my back," the same response I get from an executive assistant, a service-industry worker, and a teacher, who hold five degrees between them. Even Rosen, after asking me how much I'm "worth," exclaims, "That's a lot! Think about your income. Think about mine. I'm not advocating this; I'm just saying I can understand the calculations."
Illustration : Istvan Banyai
the extremes are what bring ppl 2 the conclusions of behavior in which they decide to play the game in a way in which they guarantee their just due. If a lady isnt having her needs met the compensation is clear.
what is wrong with a relationship that doesnt answer basic needs over one who does? why should a woman feel like the guy she is dating has no concern over her issues be they financial. Isnt he using her isnt she ultimately yearning for a boyfriend who pays and helps her out yes which brings us to this sort of arrangement
many ladies have been lured to bed by promise of a future relat. only to be used and discarded have this happen a dozen times jaded.men hustling them financially.
If she is lucky he will let her do half. That being said paying your way on a date is far from chivalrous. Let us look back in the Renaissance era. Swinging, Multiple sex partners, the courtesan...Geisha, The commodity traded by family, society, neccesity... She owns her power and states her terms. If she knows that in th egame of power once she gives up her sex she is out of the loop due to conquest and really likes, loves or has expectations of this guy for a relationship based on what he tells her. She is a fool for putting herself out there when she must fend for herself emotionally and otherwise. Where is the glory? She is used and depreciates in value after the conquest. So her coping mechanism may be to get something out of it to make up for what she is not getting which is emotional. Well at least he took care of some bills. Versus he owes me money!
The terms of a sugar daddy arrangement place the expectation in perspective. There is none. How is that for honest. Far different from the dating world filled with delusional promises lovely packaged profiles and pipe dreams.
If someone is very attracted, to someone else and would date them anyway... how is that illegal.
Wouldn't a woman want to accept chivalry from a doting man she is crazy about. Versus these stories we hear regarding young women dating
It is against the law in most states.
That is a state of mind. But if one is duly attracted to and would like to pursue both the benefits of dating someone of your choice rather than any time dick or harry for a dime and that individual is also a benefactor of sorts how is that illegal. Intention is a large part of our laws. The intent is clear and varies from individual to intent and motivation clearly subject to scrutiny but nonetheless subject to bias as well.
Did Higher Power allow Magdalena to be stoned did she not follow and become a disciple?
you see here with an education would be just as happy to find a rich husband to retire them and their degrees at home. Plus there are no more penalties. An older guy can show up at a restaurant with a 20 yr old without having to say she is his niece. Woman don't have to have education to marry or date a rich guy or date one. Keep in mind from the economic perspective there are a lot of girls out there doing this and therefore
the price goes down that's how it works
your nothing special in a relationship like this. If a guy wants a relationship he wouldn't be on that site. 3,000 is a lot of money to be paid to have sex. You have the ability to screen whom your going to be with so instead of thinking of it as how much do
i get to screw this guy your getting paid to screw someone you might have screwed anyway. And keep in mind if you
really do a satisfying job he may give you more. The problem with these sites is the fact the woman are so selfish. But it does allow you to be the whore you know you are without feeling like it.
so is it about being completely taken care of regardless of how undesireable the guy is or is it having fun while having the load of finances ease off of you.
i bet if you started with that guy at 3k
in 6 months he would move you up to 5k
he is a successful businessman and wants
to see return on his money.
all you have to do is spread your legs.
wow that takes no talent and little effort and all the pleasure.
Sex and money are hot-button issues, and when you put them together people always start to freak out a little...or a lot. To me, prostitution is a logical extension of capitalism, and a choice that both provider and client have every reason to make. It does require some effort and vigilance to screen clients and stay safe, so it is not really a good job for a lazy or uninspired person. It's not a good job for someone who hates sex, either. But if you like to [deleted], and know how to take care of yourself, it's a reasonable choice.
Not being a prostitute is also a reasonable choice. No one who doesn't want to sell their body and their sex should be forced to do it. But what goes on between consenting adults is really nobody's business.
What interested me most about this article was not the culminating question "Is this line of work acceptable"--since that is a moral question that I don't feel qualified to answer. Instead what interested me was how the article illustrated an emerging trend of financial angst and impatience within the generation of recent college graduates. I do feel qualified talking about this, since I fall into the category of a recent college graduate working in an entry level position.
The young women in this article reminded me of many of my friends (male and female) who have recently entered the workforce. Unlike the generations before us, who understood the value of working your way up a ladder, we don't want to wait the 5, 10, or 15 years that it might take to make the kind of salary that we feel we deserve (or in the case of this article, the kind of salary that the men who go on the website make). Instead of putting in the hours, developing the networking skills, and cultivating a powerful resume, we want fast cash and we want it now; the fact that acquiring wealth does not happen this way--fast and immediately--comes as a surprise to us.
So if I could say something to Ms. McClelland, and the other girls who go on the SugarDaddy site, it would not be "This line of work is unacceptable" or "This line of work is okay," but rather that they shouldn't feel discouraged by their entry level jobs. If you are feeling overworked, that is normal. If you are feeling unappreciated, that is usual. If you aren't being paid well, that can be expected. Every single person who is in the working world has been in your shoes, and you'll be fine.
So you're surprised that the survivors tend to be [deleted]s, and resentful that you have to ask - you'd much rather the world just sort of dropped everything at your feet - and of course it's the collective fault of men.
Soo-rry. So why do men die earlier than women? Because they WANT to.